I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hippo gnu deer
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
