I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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