I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
