I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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