Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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