i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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