do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
