Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
