I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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