Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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