a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
