I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
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One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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