You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
