In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
