I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
