i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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