I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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