and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
