At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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