I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
