my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
