Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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