You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You are the jesus of drinking
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
