I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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