I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the day after is always just damage control
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
