i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
