She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
