then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
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