Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
