I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
