the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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