She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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