I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I love you. Go after that dick
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
