I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
4 words: hood of his car
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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