mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
