I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
