Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
