I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
