What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
