Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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