Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
