dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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