i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
