Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
