I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
