Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
