No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
