You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
