Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
