My sheets look like a crime scene.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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