Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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