It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
