It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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