The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize