you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
