I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
