I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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