Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
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