WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
