just come out here and I will go home with you...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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