If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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