I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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