hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
