Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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