just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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