i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
