Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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