if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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