Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
