Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
