if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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