if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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