He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
