You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
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the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
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Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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