She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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