Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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